Thursday, July 4, 2013

Day 3

Day 3

Dr. Edwards said, "You're killing yourself slowly."   I knew I had to get some sleep. Each time I closed my eyes I imagined a bomb ticking inside my chest.  As the minutes went by, the bomb would start ticking faster.  I couldn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time and woke up shaking and crying.  Jeff would hold me until I dozed off.  Dear God, I don't know how people endure this without love and support of someone here on earth.  For a few minutes, I felt lucky.  I told Jeff that if one of us were to get cancer, I was glad it was me.  I know that I couldn't be the rock that he has been these past few days.   

"You need to start thinking about what team of doctors you want.  You need an oncologist, a surgeon, and a plastic surgeon,"  said the radiologist.  I then thought about my friends Cinder and Jo Ann who are officially "Breast Cancer Survivors".  Does any woman ever "survive" this?  How do you live without having the constant fear....terror, really...that this will happen again?  She said I need to surround myself with positive and encouraging people.  Cinder is the most positive person I know. She's always made a party out of the seemingly smallest events.  I'm flashing back to an e-mail she sent her friends telling us the bad news.  I remember one comment saying, "I'm getting new girls to hang out with me...the old ones were getting to be a drag anyway."  I also remember a group e-mail to all of her friends saying, "Come by and see my new girls!"  I needed to talk to her and find out what team of doctors she used.  But she's in Africa on a mission.  She's been posting beautiful photos of elephants, giraffes, and the smiling children in Africa who now have among many other things: new backpacks, new shoes, and a new swing set for their school.   I told you she was positive. :)   I sent her a message and waited for a response.  I  tried to remember what the world was like before the world wide web.  Women had to pick up their rotary phones and actually sit down beside the three foot phone cord and ask if they knew of any good doctors. Meanwhile, the bomb was ticking in their chests.  I kept imagining my cancer cells multiplying.   No wonder I can't sleep.  I took a Melatonin and finally slept four hours in a row.

1 comment:

  1. Ann...I'm glad you have such supportive friends and family. God is right there with you also. Just imagine how their love conquers the hateful cancer cells. LOVE WILL PREVAIL*:)
    “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14.27