Blessed

I’m feeling really blessed right now.  With the exception of two days of feeling nauseated (kind of like a really bad hangover), and the trauma of losing a sink full of hair every time I brush it, it’s been a good week.  Anyone would think that I’d be bald by now if they saw the bathroom sink and drain every day.  Fortunately, I have a lot of hair and it’s not noticeable yet.

I got my hair cut in a chin length bob this week.  I’m thinking that the shorter I have it, the less I have to brush it.  I'm guessing that if there is less weight pulling on it, the longer I may get to keep it.  Wishful thinking, perhaps.  My head/hair feels really strange this week.  Women: imagine you’ve been wearing a barrette in your hair all day (actually, all week).  You then remove it and your hair remains in the same place as if the barrette is still there. You run your hands through your hair and it kind of hurts (strong word, but I think some of you might get it).  In addition to that, you’ve been wearing a hat all day and you finally take it off and want to scratch your head.  (Men will probably get that part).  It feels like that all the time.

Denial?  Eh. Not really.  I’m prepared (they say you can never be prepared) for the 95% chance (Yes. That’s the statistic) that I will lose my hair.  I have bought two wigs. One long and one in a chin length bob.  I’ve also bought some pretty scarves, hats, and accessories.  I finally got online to shop (headcovers.com).  It was like having to search for the perfect pair of orange and brown polyester plaid pants or the perfect sized Depends.  Nevertheless, I found a few things I might wear.

Buddy is finally walking again and eating (only hamburger that I cook for him).  Jeff says he has me trained.  No doubt about it.  I’m just so happy that he’s feeling better. 

I’m getting a little more sleep, but it’s impossible to sleep through the night when I have to drink 64 oz of liquid a day.  It’s important to stay hydrated while on chemotherapy, the nurse said in chemo class.  If I don’t, I can count on a trip to the ER for IV fluids.  There were a couple days that I only drank about 4 or 5 glasses and I felt terrible.  I was weak, felt dizzy…well…toxic.  I drank more water and began to feel better.  The night sweats and hot flashes have me up at least twice a night changing clothes.  The oncologist said that chemo should put me into early menopause.  Poor Jeff.  I’m hoping that Dr. Moss can prescribe an elephant tranquilizer for me with my next infusion on Thursday.  I never thought I’d say those words but pain and sleep deprivation make people say and do desperate things.

Now, for the perfect end to my week…..Liz drove from Lexington to Prestonsburg yesterday and spent the day CLEANING MY HOUSE!!!  I just couldn’t believe it!  You see, I have this new concept now.   I now have an energy bank account. In the old days, before surgery and chemo, I overdrew my energy account on a daily basis.  Now, I simply can’t do it.  I will literally collapse when I get tired.  So, needless to say, cleaning the entire house in one or two days would be impossible for me these days. 

She arrived with a tote bag of goodies. First of which is this unbelievably soft robe that she had hanging on the back of the door in her guest room in her home.  Yes. You read that correctly.  She has guest robes…as if her company is at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel!  Whenever I go to her house, I grab that soft white robe, night or day, and snuggle in it.   Jeff says it’s made of angel feathers and I have to agree.  She brought the robe so I could snuggle in it every day.  She also brought me some warm fuzzy socks and some clothes to throw away later. Let me explain.

I have this really strange ability to remember what I wore during certain events, especially if they might have been a special or even traumatic event.  For example, I used to have this dress that buttoned down the front.  Once, two of those buttons came unbuttoned at a very inopportune moment.  I was so embarrassed about it, that I could never wear the dress again.  I actually threw the dress in the garbage! So, I told Liz that during my chemo infusions, I planned on wearing clothes that were old or that I hated because I planned on throwing them away afterward.  Crazy. I know. 

She wouldn’t let me help clean.  Most of the time, I was sitting at the kitchen table cutting up every known fruit and vegetable in the produce department.  I was eager to introduce Liz to my juicer, and she was a cleaning maniac.  She was like the Tasmanian Devil with Pledge in one hand and a broom in the other!  She cleaned. I cut fruit and vegetables, and purged stacks of papers, mail, and magazines while we talked the entire time.  When she left 28 hours later, the house was immaculate.  What an incredibly generous gift!   Yes. I’m blessed.  :)